JUNE '23: real artists ship.

experiments, internships, rebirth

What’d you ship this month Sofia?

1. agrOShip & fellowShip: I restarted plant tissue culture experiments at a friend’s lab in Mexico City and at my local lab, got perspective from people at interesting organizations like Better Cotton, and started building a (better) tiny lab again that includes new plants that aren’t cotton. I’m really grateful to Alexis Ohanian and Lissie Garvin for helping me take my project farther through the 776 Fellowship.

2. internShips: I learned and did (as friendly written in my personal to-do list) f*cking synbio with my lab friends at Tec de Monterrey! That being my very first, ‘real’, lab experience, I’m immensely grateful to the postdoc I worked with for teaching me everything she did and being so fun to work with. I’m now starting an exciting new chapter with the Brophytes at Stanford—let’s meet if you’re around in the Bay!!!

3. contentShip: well, it’s been a while since I don’t write good articles but you can check out this crazy draft for the latest one here as well as my podcast episodes with Evan Groover [uploading by Jul 2nd] and Li Lu, the founder of the first cultured meat company in Mexico!

It’s a weird collage, I know. The center pic reminds me of the weirdly cool movie “Everything Everywhere All at Once”. The rest is me with my beloved J1 visa that I didn’t get last year but did this year, the people I’ve wanted to work with in Monterrey for literally 3 years and couldn’t until then, the project I’ve been (sort of relentlessly) working on and finally worked on at a “proper” lab after 1 year, and me kind of vandalizing my school’s white boards with Apple’s vision which relates to the high-blown story I’m about to tell you…

Top of mind

Have you ever killed yourself?

I know it’s weird but I promise I’m not thinking about suicide, at least not the conventional one we all know about. I’m thinking more about killing an old version of yourself, someone “you” don’t like anymore.

I kind of did that this month, or so I think. After just a few focus hours during the week, I was feeling mentally tired (thought I didn’t want to acknowledge that), distracted and dumb on a Sunday afternoon. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to rest because I didn’t want to feel unproductive, but I was already being so. So I just stoped.

I sat down, left all my electronic devices besides and did nothing. For the first few minutes I literally didn’t think of anything. No distractions, no thoughts, just the present. Then my mind started exploring different ideas a time. I laid down and let time pass. I tried to be intentional and think about optimistic things but then I was distracted again. So I intentionally “stopped stopping”.

I messaged someone about my definitely non-psychedelic experience during those 20 minutes. While I was recording that voice note it occurred to me this brilliant idea I’d never had.

suicidalSofi: changing is hard. I’ve tried to change dozens of times and nothing seems to work. I hate the current version of myself, I’m tired of her complaining about the past and college and life and projects, ugh… wait, what if I (we?) just kill her?

doubtingSofi: hmm that sounds like a great idea! What you really want is just a blank canvas to start over again. Not the type of wishful thinking of going back in time but something like one of those super-zen retreats where you do nothing for a weekend or traveling to India just like Steve did, oh or what about…

wiseSofi: wait, wait, wait. We don’t need all of that shit. Remember these are just external tools that help people internalize certain things. It’s not those that matter but the intention you really have. So here, c’mon, let’s be intentional on saving $5k bucks worth of motivational BS and do a little meditation right here right now.

prayingSofi: ok, well, um… universe, I need your help. This current Sofi version has kind of been f*cking around these days doing nothing but complaining, not taking enough care of her body and mind, not being ambitious… I just hate her. If you help me kill her, I promise I’ll do everything in my hands to preserve the integrity of the new Sofi. Just please, let us be reborn. (Intention, intention, intention, plus a little music).

universe: alright, let’s do this. Just keep your promise.

newSofi: wow. This is awesome, it really worked! Now I just need some sleep and intention. Cool, let’s get outta here.

nextDaySofi: Now let me tell you about me—I’m a beginner, in everything. I try new things to keep my brain fresh, I put in the work and instead of complaining I start with curiosity about the upgraded version of me that’ll come after the task. I am aware of body sensations and what they prompt my body to do so I can control them before they control me. I’m highly efficient and creative. My job these days is to develop the habits that are both demanded and deserved of our true essence, of the best version of Sofia we can fulfill. Getting there before our 20th birthday is totally achievable. I understand that it’ll come my time to become a mummy and when that happens I’ll have to kill myself too. For now, I’m fresh and ready to start moving towards my commitment—to fulfill that extraordinary version of myself.

Kinda high-blown, I know. But the point is to ship that, you know? So, as always, I can’t tell you about the crazy plans I have for this Sofi but I’ll let you know when some of those are shipped.

Because just as an extraordinary human once said, the motto I want to keep on my mind for the rest of the year:

Real artists ship.

sunrise in Monterrey, sunset at Stanford.